THE SEARCH FOR DAD

Writer’s note: On May 13,2011 I decided to search for my Dad. Below is the series of blog posts as the search carried on. I am nowhere near done -- and I hope to provide new updates as new information comes it. Thank-you to Stephen Rodrick, Contributing Writer for New Times Magazine & Contributing Editor for Mens Journal, for the suggestion to blend these posts together.

Family photo - taken in 1977

I was five years old the last time I saw my Dad. That's an amazing sentence to write. The reality is that I haven't seen or heard from my Dad in 31 years. I don't have many clear memories of him but I do remember the last time I saw him. He picked me up to go to a theme park for my birthday. We were late and the theme park was closed so we went to McDonald's. All I have left now is speculation. I'm told I look like him and that I have a few similar traits. I guess I can't argue, having no frame of reference.


I have so many questions and most of them start with "Why?" Here is the hardest one. Why didn't he maintain contact? What happened? This mystery has given me many sleepless nights and is a gnawing hole in my heart. Every time I see a TV show or news story about a family being reunited, I wonder if I will ever be reunited with my Dad. Many times I have decided to look for him & I always lose the nerve.

Now that I am a Dad, I owe it to myself, and my family, to get some answers. So I decided that I would start to search again. This time, I will provide updates on the progress of that search on my blog. If I put this decision in writing, I will have to stick with it. I hope as the process plays out, I can get some closure.

I’ll start with what I do know about my Dad.

His full name is Michael Peter Murphy. Michael is originally from Ontario, specifically the Chatham-Wallaceburg area. In the early 70's he moved to Kelowna and worked at a radio station, CKOV-AM. He was the 'Morning Man'.  At some point, he loved my Mom enough to marry her and I was born shortly after. I have quite a few pictures of my Dad holding me, feeding me and generally being a good Father.

We lived in Kelowna for a time and then Kamloops, where he was in a local TV show for kids. Things didn't work out for my Mom and Michael, they separated and eventually divorced. That's where the details get sketchy. I am not sure what happened to him after the divorce. My Mom thinks he moved back to Ontario to be closer to family. 

John Michaels, his friend and colleague at CKOV, believes that he went to work at another radio station in northern BC. Either way, he did stay in touch for a brief time and even visited. He re-married and brought his new wife out to the Okanagan to visit me. That is all I know. Doesn't seem like much considering that this was my Father. Shouldn't I know more?

My search will begin in Ontario. I will attempt to track down his sister or any other family members that might be able to give me clues. I’m nervous and excited. My blog is the catalyst for me. I will provide updates here as the search for my Dad continues but I can't do this alone. I need the support of my 'social' network to help me get this out to as many people as possible.

Update: The decision to look for my Dad was an emotional one for me. As soon as I decided to formally post that decision, I knew that I wouldn't be able to take it back. There was risk -- risk that I will not get the outcome that I set out for. 

I thought I understood that risk. I did not.

Today, a friend sent me a link to an announcement that said the following:

       

Michael Peter Murphy 

Date of Birth: Monday May 28th 1945

Date of Death: Thursday March 31st 2005

Place of Death: Regina General Hospital

  
I have been unable to properly confirm the information however the birth date matches his, Peter was his middle name and the painful pit in my stomach tells me that this is my Dad.

I wasn't prepared for this news even though the logical part of my brain knew it was a possibility and it has knocked me down.

I am more emotional than I thought I would be. I'm sad that I won't be able to meet him and resolve some of the questions that haunt me. I'm sad that he will never meet my son, Jonathan or my wife Natalie. I'm sad that he will never see me as an adult. I am profoundly sad that I waited so long to conduct this search. 

As a result of a lot of information provided by friends, family & complete strangers, I had tracked my Dad to Regina. My Dad ended up in Regina after a brief stint in northern BC, working with a friend named Dave Cummins. In the late 70's, he worked for CFMQ-FM (which is now CHMX-FM Lite 92). This station is currently owned by Harvard Broadcasting. I am not sure how long he worked there but I am fairly certain that he stayed in Regina until his death.

Due this recent development, I have a brand new set of questions. 

Do I have siblings or family?

Is there someone that can shed some light on what he was like?

I need this to reach someone who worked with my Dad at CFMQ-FM or a member of his family. My goal may have changed but I still want to find out all I can about my Dad.  The response has been overwhelming and humbling to this point. Tips, suggestions and information provided has been invaluable. 

Update: When I began this quest to reconnect with my Dad, one of my goals was to learn as much as I could about him. What kind of man was he? Am I like him? Do we share traits?

It's still early in the game but I think I can safely say that he was well liked and respected by the people he worked with. I have had several meaningful exchanges with colleagues in Regina and Whitehorse. They have been generous with their time and for that, I am grateful. I want to share a couple of comments. I have left the names off because I didn't have their permission to include them.

One of my favourite comments so far:
  

"I can honestly say that I enjoyed Mike very much, he was a fun almost"jolly" type guy that was also a very good jock. Mike was blessed with a great sound and a very pleasing and comfortable on air delivery."

Fingers crossed I can track down some audio. I would love to hear his voice. Getting audio will be a tall task as most of his airchecks would be on magnetic tape -- that's right -- tape. In talking to one of his former Program Directors, Charles Friedrich, Q92(CFMQ) had just started transferring to compact disc when he left radio in the late 80's. So any commercials he voiced would likely have been trashed. My how times have changed! In addition, Dad's airchecks would have left with him.

Impossible? Dare to dream!

Another favourite:

"Let me say, that in the time I worked with Mike, I found him to be one of the most likable, affable, hardworking and downright decent dudes I met in my three decades in radio. A truly fine human being, and I was proud to call him my buddy for brief time."

This one makes me tear up. I would have loved to get to know my Dad. I now have to find peace within the lines of an email. Little snippets like this. This is where my Dad lives now. I must have read that quote a hundred times.

One more:

"I worked with him back in 1983 84. I was the evening swing announcer doing evenings and weekend mornings. He did the mid day show. He was the "station" nice guy always willing to help us new guys. I learned a lot about radio from him."

My Mother-in-law had a neat spin on this one. She felt that because my Dad was nice to the new young guys, that that was his way of hoping that someone would do that for me someday. I believe that to be true and I have had several people do that for me. More on paying it forward in an upcoming post.

So far, I think we do share several traits. Probably the most obvious to me is a sense of humour. It appears that he enjoyed his job, his co-workers and he liked to make them laugh and feel good.

I still have lots to discover.

I need to track down relatives on the Murphy side of the family. Most of the Murphy clan is in Ontario -- in the Wallaceburg/Chatham area.  Mike's Mom & Dad were named James (Jim) and Elizabeth. I believe they have been gone for some time.  He had a sister named Suzanne. I don't think she was married. In Regina, his wife's name is Linda North. I am not sure if she took his name when they married. I am pretty sure he brought her out to meet me when I was five. I would like to meet her again, if she is willing.
Lots to do.

As always, I have depended on my social network to help me with clues, tips and names.  Thanks to the Puget Sound radio board, Airchecker, my Father in law Ted Farr and my Facebook crew, the blog really took off. I am forever grateful! Amazing people! Also a big thanks to those that have sent me emails with information and words of encouragement. Keep 'em coming!

Update: I had to take a breather. So, for the last few days, I have tried to not think about my Dad and my search for answers. I have immersed myself in my family and have kept myself as busy as possible. 
However, dreams of my search and possible outcomes have kept me from having a restful sleep.
I have hit the wall in terms of information on what happened to my Dad. 

To recap, I traced him to Regina. In the late 1970's through to the mid 1980's, my Dad worked for CFMQ-FM (Q92) as the morning man and later, the mid-day host. In the late 80's, he left CFMQ-FM and radio in general. That's where the trail goes cold. In March of 2005, My Dad passed away at Regina General Hospital. At the time of his death, he was married to Linda North and living in a townhouse complex on Cameron Street in Regina. I have had many meaningful messages from his co-workers and colleagues in Regina radio and their memories have sustained me to this point. The last known date that one of them saw my Dad was 1989.

That means that I have no information on my Dad from 1989 to 2008.

Nothing. 

It's like he dropped off the face of the earth. For reasons that don't make sense, he cut off everyone he knew in Regina radio -- people that he had worked with for up to 10 years. I guess I shouldn't be too surprised. This behavior fits his modus operandi. My Dad, after all, cut me off too. When he left Kelowna, he left behind all of his friends, his radio colleagues and my Mom and I. It was like that part of his life ceased to exist. I don't understand what he was thinking at the time but there is no way I could do that to my family or my son, Jonathan. My heart wouldn't allow it.

The next step in this search is now before me and it is staggering. I'm not sure where to start or if I have the strength necessary to continue. It has been all consuming.

I'm stuck in 1989 and I need to try and piece together the last twenty years of my Dad's life. Where did he live? What did he do for work? Who were his friends? How was his overall health? What happened to his wife, Linda North? I also need to find out what happened to his sister, Suzanne. I want to know if I have Murphy relatives out there somewhere. 

Tall order, to be sure and I have little to go on.

Once again, I rely on you to spread this blog around to your valuable contacts. The more eyeballs that read these words, the better. You never know where the next piece of this puzzle will come from. Please forward, retweet or repost this to anyone that you think can help. For those that have already, I thank you! Many many people have helped me get to this point and I know that I will find the next piece of the puzzle from someone who reads this blog.

Answers are out there. And I need to get them.